Old Gray Mare

My Aunt Joyce gave Adelaide an animal nursery rhyme book a few months ago, and it is still a huge hit. Many of the songs in it are ones that I'd never heard before, but include classics like "Hickory Dickory Dock," and "Old McDonald." Some of the lesser known songs are "Banbury Cross", "Little Robin Redbreast", and "Kookaburra." Adelaide loves them all, and we go through it together a few times a day.

Last week, at the end of one of our sing-a-longs, I looked at A, and lovingly solicited what I'd hoped would be a sweet moment between a mother and a daughter (I'm having to solicit these more frequently these days, you see). "Adelaide, are you my little kookaburra?" I asked. She looked up at me with her head slightly tilted and a serious expression on her face. "Yes, Mommy." And then the cloud of any tenderness of the moment faded as she continued: "And you're my old gray mare."

Please take a moment to pray for my ego.

What makes this an even sadder commentary is that every time I sing this song with her (or in my head because, you know, that's what happens with kids' songs), I reflect on myself. A few weeks ago, when I was cleaning out junk from our attic, I was able to purge the blue ribbons from various athletic events I used to excel in. And perused old college pictures from formals and mixers when I was tan and blonde (and somehow could afford to be blond) and I think the tune somehow forced its way into the corners of my conscious. Even before she reminded me that I "ain't what [I] used to be, I seem to have an ongoing inner monologue of ways that I've aged and evolved.

And then my thoughts turn into a warning to NOT allow my deflated sense of validation take hold on my daughter. Or more importantly, my misplaced sense of validation through the things of this world to take hold on my daughter.

But those thoughts are all too deep for me at this point.


For now, I'm stunned at the comedic timing and theatric genius of my 2 1/2 year old. It's truly ok that Ben and I ain't-doing-what-we-used-to-do in terms of going out or traveling. Nor do we have the time or energy to be as fit or trendy (I see some of you rolling your eyes as if we've EVER been trendy). We have a life that is pretty much limited to our family but the company and entertainment has never been so fulfilling. Even with it's insults.